Zero Fucks Given Manifesto
- 🖕 Grown men with LEGO collections are just toddlers with credit cards and erectile dysfunction. If you ever cockblock a child from your Millennium Falcon, you need a hobby—and a therapist—because you won’t ever touch a real cockpit, brother. Fuck your “mindfulness.” May you step on bricks barefoot every morning ‘til you learn shame.
- 🖕 Sports fandom is just a circle jerk for emotionally stunted manbabies who think “we” means “the team that won while you farted into a pleather recliner, covered in wing sauce and beer piss.” The closest you ever got to the playoffs is fantasy football and fantasy relief after a baconator.
- 🖕 If you put beans in chili, I hope your next shit comes out sideways and your tastebuds get revoked by the USDA. Texas Chili: all meat, all power, no fuckin’ filler. If you want “fiber,” go eat grass like the rest of the livestock, you culinary pansy.
- 🖕 Gen Z isn’t “the future”—it’s what happens when you raise kids on Tide Pods, TikTok, and “gentle parenting.” If my grandpa was alive to see this, he’d throw his own corpse at your ring light.
- 🖕 Canada cheating at curling is the day the apocalypse officially started. Next up: moose juicing, Zamboni street racing, and performance-enhancing coffee at Tim Hortons. If a Mountie ain’t crying, the maple syrup’s fake.
- 🖕 If you’re offended, hope you stub your toe on reality, step on a LEGO, and get curb-stomped by your own fragility. Print this page and shove it directly up your ass.
Fuck your complaint. Hit the button below—let me feed your delicate feelings into my nuclear shredder.